Just Don't Kiss Him
by PimpedOutGreenEars
Summary: "How about this, Yutaka? How about you just don't kiss him? Can you do that? Can you do that much for yourself?" Yutaka just wants to get through the night without kissing Shinji. A no program AU. ShinjixYutaka. Oneshot.


**Just Don't Kiss Him  
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**Authors Note: So I'm doing nano to finish up a bunch of unfinished fanfiction I have started, and this is the first thing I've completed. Doing something all in Yutaka's voice was pretty cool, and I definitely want to try it again sometime. Let me know what you think, and feel free to give suggestions/critiques and all that jazz!**

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><p>There haven't been many things in my life that I've been absolutely 100% percent sure of. However, one thing that I am absolutely sure of is that I, Yutaka Seto, am a fucking idiot.<p>

Now, I'm sure some people would try to tell me otherwise, but I can guarantee, with no uncertainty in the matter, that I am in fact as dumb as I've previously claimed. The evidence for this you may ask?

Well, I'm sitting next to Shinji 'The Third Man' Mimura, and I can't help but think that maybe I should risk kissing him.

So there you go. Take a second to chew on that.

You good?

I'm not.

See, the thing about this is that I didn't mean to get myself into this situation. Sure, I may be an idiot, but I didn't intentionally put myself alone in the dark with Shinji.

I guess I should probably explain things a little more.

Here's the setting; picture it. Me, Yutaka Seto, sitting in my house alone, about to put my worn, bootlegged copy of Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark- appreciate the irony that Shinji got me this movie- in the VCR when I hear a knock on the door. Being the normal human being that I am, I go to answer the door. Now, who should be there but one Shinji Mimura?

But of course it's not as simple as saying Shinji is at the door. It's important to note that he had just come from playing basketball, and he's dressed the part. He's in a cutoff and shorts so short that the compression shorts he has on under them are quite a few centimeters longer. And he's sweaty. You can tell by the way his skin is shiny and his shirt almost clings to his muscled chest. If you think that's not an attractive imagine I ask you to think again, because I assure you it is very attractive and not at all the way you should come to someone's house unless you're planning to take a trip around the bases.

I digress. So he asks what I'm doing, and of course I don't think to lie, you know, because I'm a fucking idiot. So I tell him I'm about to watch Indiana Jones. Immediately he takes this as an invitation to come in and join me, because normally that's exactly what it would be. But I swear that wasn't my intention.

So direct your attention stage left, or about twenty minutes later, where I am sitting beside Shinji in the dark of my living room, watching Indiana Jones, and trying really hard not to notice the way he looks like the physical manifestation of sex.

In case you were wondering, it's not going well.

"Are you doing alright?" Shinji asks from the seat beside me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say, sounding _super_ convincing. In case you didn't catch that, it wasn't super convincing. I don't even think it was a little convincing, and_ I'm_ the one who said it.

"You sure? Because last I checked this was pretty much your favorite movie, and you don't look like you're even paying a little bit of attention." Shinji has no issue calling me on it because Shinji isn't an idiot.

"Uh, I am, just, uh, bathroom." I say before quickly jumping up and walking hurriedly to the bathroom.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is just a taste of how stupid I've been acting for around a month now.

Once I make it to the bathroom I'm quick to lock the door, although I doubt that Shinji will come and check on me. He's probably laughing as we speak because, damn, how big of a dumbass can I be?

I look at myself in the mirror, and accept that this is in fact the point in the story where I will start talking to myself instead of the imaginary audience I've created. God, I'm crazy and stupid.

"Come on, Yutaka, pull yourself together." I tell myself as I grab the edges of the sink.

"So what if you're alone with Shinji? So what if he's hot? He's been hot since you met him. It's not that big of a deal. And so what if you've been experiencing a bit of gayness lately? I'm sure every guy goes through a month long phase of wanting to sex up his best friend. Totally normal!"

I groan as put my head in my hands. No guy goes through that. Just me. Just stupid me.

I turn on the cold water and quickly splash my face with it because that's what they do in movies at times like this. I then look at myself in the mirror again.

"How about this, Yutaka? How about you just don't kiss him? Can you do _that_? Can you do that much for yourself?" I ask myself, mentally answering that _maybe_ I can do that, but I'm not making any promises.

I sigh before I walk out of the bathroom, accepting that I have no choice but to face Shinji and attempt to not make a total ass of myself.

When I sit back down on the couch Shinji turns and grins at me.

"Productive bathroom break, I hope?" Shinji questions, obviously wondering why I've been acting like a brain dead moron all night.

"Uh, the most productive. Really great. Go bathrooms." I cheer as I pump my fist into the air weakly.

Shinji snorts before shaking his head and looking back at the TV. For a second I think I'm safe, but then his arm wraps around my shoulders and pulls me a little closer to him.

"Yutaka, what am I going to do with you?" Shinji asks as he faces me once again.

I immediately look down at my lap because I know if I don't he's going to see how hard I'm blushing, which would not only be embarrassing, but probably a little telling.

"I don't know. Maybe keep me away from bathrooms until this newfound passion dies down." I try to joke, forcing myself to look at the TV.

What are the chances that he can actually see me blushing in the dark?

Seriously, somebody give me a number on that.

"Don't worry, Yutaka," Shinji says with his signature wink. "I'll keep you right here." He says before his hand gently curls around my shoulder as though to keep me in place.

"Gee, I, uh, really appreciate that." I say, hoping that will end the conversation.

But I've never been that lucky, and Shinji's eyes feel like they're drilling down to my core. Shinji's light, humorous eyes. Man, he has nice eyes.

"How much?" Shinji asks, catching me off guard and making me look at him.

"Huh?" I ask.

"How much do you appreciate it?" Shinji clarifies, his tone light and teasing.

"I— I don't know. How much can you really appreciate that kind of thing?"

I can feel myself starting to lose it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just because he's so close to me, or maybe it's because I feel like the things he's saying are almost _flirty_, but either way I can feel my brain slowing down and turning into mush.

And his eyes. I'm still looking into his eyes. Fuck. How cliché is it to get lost in someone's eyes?

If I wasn't so stupid I would have looked away by now.

"I don't know. You tell me." Shinji replies with a grin, his voice sounding lower than usual.

And it's at this moment in the story where I should turn away from Shinji. I should tell him I appreciate it enough to grab him a can of coke from the kitchen, and then I should bolt out of the room to calm down. And while I'm there I should think up an excuse to make him leave my house.

That's what I should do.

What I shouldn't do is say, "Fuck it" and grab the collar of Shinji's shirt, and pull it toward me so that I can kiss my best friend. What I shouldn't do is sigh contently into the kiss like some elementary school girl.

But guess what I do?

If you guessed the latter then I know you've been paying attention to the shitty story that is my life.

Once I realize what I'm doing I pull away from Shinji like his mouth is full of bees, which actually couldn't be more untrue, because Shinji's mouth is very soft and feels fucking fantastic against mine.

"Shit! I'm sorry—" I start trying to explain.

"You should be. Christ, that was short."

"I didn't mean— Wait, what?" I ask as what he just said finally dawns on me.

"I wait this long for you to kiss me and all I get is a little peck? What a rip-off." Shinji says nonchalantly as he leans back into the couch.

As for me, I'm sitting here with my mouth hanging open, wondering when the aliens managed to switch in this Shinji lookalike.

"What the fuck?" I finally manage to push out of my mouth.

"Come on, Yutaka. It's pretty obvious. I've been trying to get you to kiss me for almost two months now." Shinji explains as calm as ever.

I think I might be having a stroke.

"What?" I ask again. I really have a way with words, you see.

"I think around a month ago you started to actually get it. But jeez, even then you were slow. _Really_ slow," Shinji draws out the word 'really.' "But I'm nothing if not patient."

"What are you even _talking_ about?"

"Right, you're still a little in shock. I should give you the abridged version," Shinji says with an amused, but thoughtful look on his face. "So a few months ago I realized I wasn't feeling the whole lady scene as much as I should have been. Girls are hot, so little Shinji was content, but the feelings just weren't there, so emotionally I was pretty unsatisfied." Shinji explains pointing first to his dick, which of course he named after himself, and then crossing his arms.

I can only nod as I try to follow.

"So then I went through this whole 'am I gay' thing, which was quite a trip, but I'll spare you the details. Blah, blah, blah. I realized I have a thing for you, which sucked because you were straight. But then I figured, hell, might as well see if that's flexible. So I started my slow and subtle seduction." Shinji explains, grinning when he hits the part about seduction.

"Low and behold, I realized around a month ago you were definitely into me, which was awesome for me. Seriously, my ego grew three sizes that day." I can't help but wonder when his ego will get so big it'll explode out of his head. "But I thought it'd be better not to act on it yet. I figured if I got you to make the first move then that would mean you were over your whole 'am I gay' thing, which meant we wouldn't have to work through that."

"So you waited to tell me this so you wouldn't have to work through it with me? I was freaking out, and you knew, and you didn't say anything?" I ask, anger starting to bubble up inside of me.

"Some things are best left a solo journey." Shinji tells me, but I can't say I honestly buy that.

"I can't even believe you right now. I can't believe any of this." Seriously. What the fuck?

"I'm sure if you take a minute to think about it you'll change your mind. I mean, you know what they say, I'm always two steps ahead of everyone else." And what pisses me off is that he's right.

This is so Shinji. Thinking two steps ahead of me. Coming up with some plan to make things easier for himself. God, this whole thing reeks of Shinji.

"Plus, seeing you all strung out over me was pretty hot." Shinji adds in as he leans closer to me.

My anger fades because I can't possibly stay angry at him while he's making me blush this hard. So instead I settle for scratching my neck and stuttering out, "I— I'm going to go get a coke from the kitchen."

But his arm grabs me before I can even think about getting up.

"Come on, none of that. How about you actually watch this movie with me?" Shinji questions, although it's not a question, as he pulls me onto his lap, which is somehow embarrassing and arousing.

"Shinji—" I have no idea what I'm going to follow his name with, so it's probably a good thing that he interrupts me.

"What?" He asks innocently, his hot breath extremely close to my ear, which I know is in no way accidental.

I shiver, and he wraps his arms around my middle, effectively locking me in place.

"N— Nothing." I finally say, deciding that maybe I don't need a coke after all. Or a different seat. No, this seat will do.

Shinji chuckles before he once again leans in close to my ear.

"You know, I actually have the sequel to this movie," Shinji tells me, which is strange because that isn't news to me since we've watched it together. "Speaking of sequels, I wouldn't mind a sequel to that kiss we had earlier. A really_ long_ one."

And damn it all to hell if I don't end this story by kissing his suave fucking mouth.


End file.
